The Selfish Question
It's what I actually weigh before I commit my time. I'm not sure it's a flaw.
Why do we stay committed to some activities, stay in others without feeling committed, and leave the rest?
This was a discussion topic over coffee this week with a local business leader: what keeps people committed to a group or initiative when competing priorities make it hard to choose?
When I consider committing my time to something, the primary question is what it gives me. That sounds selfish as I write it, but I think it’s the truest answer if we’re honest. Even when we’re volunteering for a cause with the goal of service, we’re still choosing to do it because of what it gives us: feel-good moments, something for the resume, a chance to create impact.
With the move to Lewes, one of my professional communities became a monthly four-hour round trip for a half-day session. My renewal came up; I said no and told myself the reasons were the commute and the cost. The full answer was that it wasn’t the group I needed at that time. I know that if what I got out of that room had been what I really needed, I would have made the drive and not thought twice about it.
Two commitments can cost the same time and money, but only one of them feels worth it.
The pattern I notice is that I stick with the activities or groups that give me something: people to learn from, new ways of operating, energy. When I get that, I want to give more back. So yes, it is selfish, but it’s also a driver of my contribution.
Sometimes we commit to something we want to do but then find we aren’t ready to prioritize it over everything else. Walking away from those commitments is hard because we know it’s good for our careers, the business, and our sense of belonging, and we don’t want to let others down. However, staying half-committed comes with its own cost, and that one isn’t ours alone. It’s unfair to the people counting on us to show up fully.
What’s keeping you committed to the things and groups you’ve said yes to? Drop me a message and let me know.
Hi. I’m Melissa. I write for the achiever who knows they can't pressure-test the biggest calls alone but is tempted to do it anyway.
Weekend Thoughts for Reflection
"The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run." - Henry David Thoreau, Walden, “Economy”
"Anytime you stick to something when there are better opportunities out there, that is when you are slowing your progress." - Annie Duke, Quit
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The rime commitments I have made throughout much of my life are those that fill a need to be helpful but also to bring me joy amid the hard work, such as heading up a summer swim team program, 26 years of traveling to Guatemala on church missions, and serving my church in leadership roles. The time commitments that just bring me joy are exercising, water coloring, reading, meeting with friends for weekly prayer time and coffee or tea afterwards, and the church food pantry.